So it's 1:42 in the morning and I can't sleep. It's actually the second 1:42am that I have experienced today and I couldn't sleep during that one either!
I find that I have been quite cranky these last few days and I feel that I have been complaining a lot. Complaining about and not accepting things that I have no control over and can't change. Partly because I am on the midnight shift and it's really been messing with my sleep schedule and possibly it's because I've had quite a bumpy year, and perhaps because I expect to much of others and myself.
These things that I have been complaining about, the situation that I am in, I know that it's a temporary issue and that in time I will be where I want to be. The things that I want though, I want them now. I want to complete that circle
that I started and it's it like I can't quite reach the other end. It seems that I've run out of patience.
Earlier this year I adopted the mantra "It is what it is" and it has truly helped me get through some rough patches.
Then I read a Marilyn Monroe quote "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Which really resonated with me and made me realize that there is someone better out there and I want to find that person. I did find that person.
Recently I read in a fortune cookie of all places, "Every person is the creation of himself, the image of his own thinking and believing." I even saved the fortune and put it in my wallet to help remind me that only I can control my disposition in life, not the people around me. Apparently though, I forgot that already.
All year long I've taken the steps that were needed to get me to where I want to be in life. Back at the beginning of October I took another huge step forward, and then it's like I stopped walking and I guess I expected those last few things would just come to me. I now realize they never have before why would they start now?
Which brings me to the title of this post, I need to find my own place to live. I'm grateful to my parents for allowing me to crash here but it's time for me to move on. The problem that I'm facing is that it's so expensive trying to find a rent.
I'm not looking for anything fancy, just a two bedroom place in the Gardiner area. It's not looking real promising at the moment, but I'm going to stay positive and keep looking until I get what I want.
So that's it. I've had these thoughts running through my brain all night long, and now that I've put them out there hopefully I can get some sleep.
later
